|Much Has Changed
||[Dec. 26th, 2016|08:41 pm]
The past couple of years have been very eye opening to say the least.|
In brief, I've moved to Seattle, attempted to get my foot in the tech door, and failed. I still have the job I've moved here with(and have since been promoted actually), but not the shiny 'engineer' position(status) I desire, so I decided to go back to school and complete my education. I've completed the first of what will be a 5 year process, and look forward to taking my first Calculus class next quarter.
The real thing I want to bring up here(that I've always brought up here) is dating. As it has been something I've constantly been dissatisfied with. The reality is that my dissatisfaction is my own fault. I, simply, wasn't doing what was necessary to even BE dating(clean up appearance, lose weight, go out, etc.). After doing that, obviously things improved(I'm 'okay' with one night stands now), but I'm met with an even greater challenge, and in a way, I've come to the shores of reality, and it is not the shining port city I imagined.
Dating is time consuming, and sometimes difficult, but generally it's fun. You meet a lot of people, and come away with some good stories. What I'm focusing on here is finding success in dating. That success, for me, being the establishment of a relationship, and starting a family(time permitting). Going into this, I expected to find lots of fairly positive people. Instead, I've found scores of paranoid, frustrated, and downright broken people. I had to take a step back and get a better idea of what was REALLY going on here, because in a city like this, full of convenience, and such a large cross section of people, there shouldn't be anything major holding anyone back. This is what I've come to find. For the sake of discussion, I'm painting broad strokes here. The conclusions I've arrived to is based purely on anecdotal evidence. Which is personal experience, stories recanted from female friends, and things I have seen go down in the wild. I'm only talking about the dynamics between heterosexual people. All of this is specific to Seattle, but I do believe some of it does serve as a social commentary for dating, at large in the United States.
Because of the tech scene here, Seattle has no shortage of men. Men outnumber women here in general(it's not a huge imbalance, but it's there). Compound that with a wealth of college education, and fairly high paying jobs, you'd think this place would be a literal candy store for (straight)women. Then I met some of the guys.
Straight up, they're unimpressive. Sure, we've all met the neckbearded basement dweller type in our social circle before, but rare is it to see them run in herds, and they thunder across the Pacific Northwest in great numbers. Many of them working in tech, reaping the benefits of spending countless hours honing their crafts, at the detriment of their appearance, health, and most notably, their social skills. Even the ones that clean up are still marred by very weak social ability. Anything outside of their technical ability is, literally, a landmine waiting to be stepped on. The result being an over-reaction to a challenge, or an immediate apology over fear of angering someone, even if they did no wrong. This is not a strong and stable person. While skilled in their career, they cannot do what's necessary to actually build and maintain a relationship. This results in swaths of frustrated men that just burn through any date they can manage to set up, cower in fear from most women, or just check out entirely, unless it's some sort of safe, controlled meeting(like speed dating). And even those don't end up working out.
There's two major groups of women out here. One group is 'rough' women, the other group is everyone else. All of varying ages and attractiveness.
The rough women are just that, rough. They seem to be at odds with men, or desperate to BE men in some cases. Constantly angry, or not pleased with something. The ones that do date typically look for a man that's subservient, or 'below' them in some way. I don't know how else to explain it, but these types of women are almost always grossly overweight, staunchly 'feminist', and almost always don't have their natural hair color(not a problem, but a very interesting observation). It is absolutely bizarre.
The 'everyone else' group is, basically, all other remaining women subject to this environment. This group, in theory, should have it pretty good, and to some extent they do, but the reality is that they all scrap for the 'viable' men, basically go through a string of hook-ups that last for years, and then get cycled out in their late 20s. Unable to form solid relationships. Mileage may vary. This leads to, in many cases, frustration and desperation. Some of them double down on their(non-existent) careers, others get an extra cat, and start knitting.
THE BIG PICTURE
You've got sex-starved men and emotionally unfulfilled(for most of their adult lives) women making socially awkward attempts to date each other. It's just ugly. And I've walked into this with no prior knowledge.
GROWING FROM THIS
I'm under no impression that I'm some great catch or the smoothest of operators, so I've been using this place as a way to actually learn how to date properly. Basically, get things wrong, find out what best fits for me, and keep on moving. Oh man, have I learned. So much 'failure' has never taught me so much. It challenged me in a way that not only changed how I approach dating, but it challenged, directly, my views on relationships between men and women, and the very concepts I believed around 'equality' between the sexes. We've sacrificed the complimentary dynamic of men and women on the altar of equality, and it has driven people, at least in this town, up the wall.
We, men and women, are not equal.
Actions will always speak louder than words.
Women can lead, but they really like it(in my experience, most actually prefer) when men do.
Communication is key, there is no shame in telling someone something they may not like. They may call you an asshole, but they'll
never call you a liar.
Emotional men are overrated. Nobody likes them.
What's aggressive and a turn off to one person, can be assertive and a turn-on to another.
It's absolutely amazing how these things have been lost. Why and how did this happen? I've got some ideas around this kind of thing, but that's a post for another time.